new year again. there it goes, the first decade of the 21st century. like a f___t in the wind. excuse me. i mean it's quite a waste.
went to JB the 2nd time to get some air, n some goods. though the quality of air is not as good as it is here, still able to inhale some fresher air.
but seems i cant stay in shopping centers for long. can feel the humming in the brain. no desire for most of the stuff either. no strength to walk around either. rare species of women?
never really ventured into the country. i'd like to explore further but ...(brainwashed by too many stories of accidents)... should i get a life insurance first? for my parents of course. Confucius has once said, when ur parents are still around, don't travel afar. (coz they worry too much, parents at all times). a rare few believe in such a thing in the 21st century, again i'm the rare few. (only told them after my visit)
travel further? for some enlightenment. having the feeling that when wandering about in a foreign land, one will eventually find the direction, the answer. will be out of confusion. then looking back, all the mess is actually nothing, all the pain too.
but only my mind wanders
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
why am i missing
the mattress i just dumped
那么恋旧吗
filled w feelings suddenly
that's the piece of sponge
when coming back exhausted, always dropped flat on it like a corpse
it has witnessed me through tough times, tougher times, tougher and tougher times...
life hasn't got better, but have to replace it with another one
will i get insomnia on the new one later? how soon will i get used to it?
why do i feel myself a fool more n more
even a mattress can make me so emo
do u understand
a person....
that wasn't me
feeling is the root of unhappiness
i didn't have any
shouldn't have any
the mattress i just dumped
那么恋旧吗
filled w feelings suddenly
that's the piece of sponge
when coming back exhausted, always dropped flat on it like a corpse
it has witnessed me through tough times, tougher times, tougher and tougher times...
life hasn't got better, but have to replace it with another one
will i get insomnia on the new one later? how soon will i get used to it?
why do i feel myself a fool more n more
even a mattress can make me so emo
do u understand
a person....
that wasn't me
feeling is the root of unhappiness
i didn't have any
shouldn't have any
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Saturday, December 05, 2009
run~~~
since my 1st paper in this school (which was a fail grade), every time i ran out of the hall with a blink of the eyes. ran all the way towards the bus stop till my heart couldn't take it anymore. actually i feel like yelling while running, but no that's too dramatic. 低调。。低调。。
i can run but i can't escape. still, it can make me feel a temporary escaping
i'd always like to escape. 10 yrs ago, 8 yrs ago, 4 yrs ago, 6 months ago. @ every junction in life, i have no power tilting the sail. coz it has been 'set' to the 'right' direction. whether right or not so right i wouldn't know. coz no other paths will be taken. sure of this.
whining again.. for nothing. maybe wanna remind myself, if i ever have children next time, i hope we won't be alumni of ANY school i attended.
since my 1st paper in this school (which was a fail grade), every time i ran out of the hall with a blink of the eyes. ran all the way towards the bus stop till my heart couldn't take it anymore. actually i feel like yelling while running, but no that's too dramatic. 低调。。低调。。
i can run but i can't escape. still, it can make me feel a temporary escaping
i'd always like to escape. 10 yrs ago, 8 yrs ago, 4 yrs ago, 6 months ago. @ every junction in life, i have no power tilting the sail. coz it has been 'set' to the 'right' direction. whether right or not so right i wouldn't know. coz no other paths will be taken. sure of this.
whining again.. for nothing. maybe wanna remind myself, if i ever have children next time, i hope we won't be alumni of ANY school i attended.
Friday, December 04, 2009
in the jungle
never in my life i had so much instant noodle for breakfast, lunch & dinner.
isn't it supposed to be 'the best time in life'?
......
isn't it supposed to be 'the best time in life'?
......
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Sunday, November 01, 2009
hawaiian dream
always dreaming
of a luxurious Hawaiian dream
luxurious, in terms of time
to rise n fall in a peaceful island with no alarm clocks
stroll along the beach
watch the sea brushing to shore
everything is clocked slower
(oops, sounds so electrical)
every islander is as warm as the weather
(i thought i hated tropical environment? since someone...)
...
can Singapore be this island? MP said, we can't afford to slow down.
yea right. it's just a distant dream
or a successful propaganda by Hawaiian tourism board
Once in a while it strikes
All the while makes me envy
Some day
i will realize the dream
(with my miserable 14 days annual leave?)
_
of a luxurious Hawaiian dream
luxurious, in terms of time
to rise n fall in a peaceful island with no alarm clocks
stroll along the beach
watch the sea brushing to shore
everything is clocked slower
(oops, sounds so electrical)
every islander is as warm as the weather
(i thought i hated tropical environment? since someone...)
...
can Singapore be this island? MP said, we can't afford to slow down.
yea right. it's just a distant dream
or a successful propaganda by Hawaiian tourism board
Once in a while it strikes
All the while makes me envy
Some day
i will realize the dream
(with my miserable 14 days annual leave?)
_
Sunday, October 18, 2009
the ceiling is the heaven, the floor is the earth, four walls are the neighbours
they welcome the host back everyday.
no. not the host. the tenant.
this has repeated itself for 7 years +++.
finally got sick of it?
7年之痒，准。
用一句网络流行语：玩的那不是感情，是寂寞。
是吗？
是那又怎么样呢？所有人都很寂寞啊。因此聚在一起制造不寂寞的假相，或者向神明寻求心灵的慰藉。
Just not everybody admits it.
they welcome the host back everyday.
no. not the host. the tenant.
this has repeated itself for 7 years +++.
finally got sick of it?
7年之痒，准。
用一句网络流行语：玩的那不是感情，是寂寞。
是吗？
是那又怎么样呢？所有人都很寂寞啊。因此聚在一起制造不寂寞的假相，或者向神明寻求心灵的慰藉。
Just not everybody admits it.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
yi zhi hen an jing 一直很安静
空荡的街景想找个人放感情
做这种决定是寂寞与我为邻
我们的爱情像你路过的风景
一直在进行脚步却从来不会为我而停
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
你说爱像云要自在飘浮才美丽
我终於相信分手的理由时候很动听
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘份是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Sunday, October 04, 2009
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Saturday, October 03, 2009
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
After Tomorrow
After tomorrow, where will I be?
Life goes on as usual. Looks usual. Just that something is missing. The loss is catastrophic, but the losss amount/value cannot be estimated/defined. Therefore it is uninsurable. (Excuse me for being 'professional' again)
So after tomorrow, where will I be?
Mandarin Version
Cantonese Version
Mandarin & Cantonese Remix
Life goes on as usual. Looks usual. Just that something is missing. The loss is catastrophic, but the losss amount/value cannot be estimated/defined. Therefore it is uninsurable. (Excuse me for being 'professional' again)
So after tomorrow, where will I be?
Mandarin Version
Cantonese Version
Mandarin & Cantonese Remix
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Cryin in the Rain
I've been addicted to 1960s songs. Here's one
Lyrics:
I'll never let you see
The way this broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride
And I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know
That I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the... rain
Lyrics:
I'll never let you see
The way this broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride
And I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know
That I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you never see
Some day when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then darling you'll
Never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the... rain
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles
Cause I need you
And I miss you
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
I'd walk a thousand miles
to escape from you
tonight
Friday, April 10, 2009
Monday, March 09, 2009
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
I don't wanna lose you,
but I don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't wanna hate you,
I don't wanna take you,
but I don't wanna be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter
to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know
it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people
don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Now, I could never change you,
I don't wanna blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you,
but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just wanna have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder,
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
And there's no way home,
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love...
it just ain't enough.
I don't wanna lose you,
but I don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't wanna hate you,
I don't wanna take you,
but I don't wanna be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter
to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know
it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people
don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Now, I could never change you,
I don't wanna blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you,
but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just wanna have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder,
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
And there's no way home,
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love...
it just ain't enough.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’d like to tell.
It is a venomous virus. Once you allow it to enter, it affects your adrenalin gland, heart, brain, speech, behavior, everything around you. Once it has colonized your body, you will feel that you can’t live without it. If you try, it’ll activate your self-destruction system. Voluntarily or involuntarily, you may start destructing your stomach, liver, toes (as you lost balance), homeostatic mechanisms, logical thinking, and more importantly, your wallet. Depending on your personality, you can opt for dessert or liquor for therapy, or you may lose your appetite. The later one definitely saves a lot.
How long it takes to cure this? Depends on how fast it takes for you to find the antidote. Months? Years? Or Never.
Afterwards you will develop some antibodies, making you less prone to be affected in future. So thank that virus, if it is not deadly.
And antidote, please.
It is a venomous virus. Once you allow it to enter, it affects your adrenalin gland, heart, brain, speech, behavior, everything around you. Once it has colonized your body, you will feel that you can’t live without it. If you try, it’ll activate your self-destruction system. Voluntarily or involuntarily, you may start destructing your stomach, liver, toes (as you lost balance), homeostatic mechanisms, logical thinking, and more importantly, your wallet. Depending on your personality, you can opt for dessert or liquor for therapy, or you may lose your appetite. The later one definitely saves a lot.
How long it takes to cure this? Depends on how fast it takes for you to find the antidote. Months? Years? Or Never.
Afterwards you will develop some antibodies, making you less prone to be affected in future. So thank that virus, if it is not deadly.
And antidote, please.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I'm Still Here
I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want
Me to be
And what
Do you think you'd understand
I'm boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away
And how
Can you learn what's never shown
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here
And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted - I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here
They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe
And how can you say I'll never change
They're the ones that stay the same
I'm the one now
'Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
'Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
Thursday, February 26, 2009
海口
后弦 - 海口
作词：后弦
作曲：后弦
专辑：东方不败
海口字典没如果
恋人造句很英雄
若把爱意当明月
明月为你敢忘了缺
默默遮住你泪眼
世界毁灭没看见
幼稚打败去痛片
旧的情侣表 拨不回以前
她的手很颤抖
结局粉饰太平忙乱在重写
这一切停止在台风席卷来的夜
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
海口字典没如果
恋人造句很英雄
若把爱意当明月
明月为你敢忘了缺
默默遮住你泪眼
世界毁灭没看见
幼稚打败去痛片
旧的情侣表 拨不回以前
她的手很颤抖
结局粉饰太平忙乱在重写
这一切停止在台风席卷来的夜
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 心冷却以后
当年的乐天派死了很久
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
作词：后弦
作曲：后弦
专辑：东方不败
海口字典没如果
恋人造句很英雄
若把爱意当明月
明月为你敢忘了缺
默默遮住你泪眼
世界毁灭没看见
幼稚打败去痛片
旧的情侣表 拨不回以前
她的手很颤抖
结局粉饰太平忙乱在重写
这一切停止在台风席卷来的夜
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
海口字典没如果
恋人造句很英雄
若把爱意当明月
明月为你敢忘了缺
默默遮住你泪眼
世界毁灭没看见
幼稚打败去痛片
旧的情侣表 拨不回以前
她的手很颤抖
结局粉饰太平忙乱在重写
这一切停止在台风席卷来的夜
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 千年后 万年后
爱通透依旧
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
我向你夸下海口
心为你滴成琥珀
冷却以后 心冷却以后
当年的乐天派死了很久
退潮的老人海口
船不到爱人码头
话不能收 海尽头 道别后
挥向泪的洋流
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I dreamt,,,,,,,,, of food
Rare dream. Let me record.
It was obviously a Chinese New Year reunion dinner. Or lunch?
I can't tell where exactly I was, just rmb it was a spacious, bright and clean house. Probably a combination of my grandparents' former house and my uncle's house. Everybody was there. (Except for ABCD)
I started 'tasting' the food in the kitchen when all women were busy cooking. They tasted SO real, SO familiar that I can still recall the shape of the mushroom in the chicken soup.
Dinner time. Everyone sat. I dunno why the firecrackers were on the dining table (Dreams are never logical). Anyway, my cousin lit them and fragment of red paper dropped on my head. I swept them off and dinner started in laughter.
The last dish arrived before I woke up was a strange one, 'chicken in dark sauce' which I can barely see the chicken. And I heard something like 'put some pepper'.
Delicious dream. Why must I wake up :(
I doubt if I laughed when I was sleeping.
It was obviously a Chinese New Year reunion dinner. Or lunch?
I can't tell where exactly I was, just rmb it was a spacious, bright and clean house. Probably a combination of my grandparents' former house and my uncle's house. Everybody was there. (Except for ABCD)
I started 'tasting' the food in the kitchen when all women were busy cooking. They tasted SO real, SO familiar that I can still recall the shape of the mushroom in the chicken soup.
Dinner time. Everyone sat. I dunno why the firecrackers were on the dining table (Dreams are never logical). Anyway, my cousin lit them and fragment of red paper dropped on my head. I swept them off and dinner started in laughter.
The last dish arrived before I woke up was a strange one, 'chicken in dark sauce' which I can barely see the chicken. And I heard something like 'put some pepper'.
Delicious dream. Why must I wake up :(
I doubt if I laughed when I was sleeping.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
itz 8:30am
I'm having breakfast as usual. Though I need not work today.
The good habit which NUH has endowed me is to wake up early. Cuz everyday a traffic jam is expected. Sometimes too early and I could not sleep on.
Now, 8:30 plus. I guess only two persons have arrived n are chit chatting in the pantry.
Slowly the rest of them enter one by one.
And the stupid phones, door bells, equipment alarms start to ring.
As a summary for the past 21 weeks.
But it'll be too long.
So let me summarize the summary.
Life there was not idle. People there were nice (most), sweet (a few), work maniac (except for two), task-oriented (all), fun-loving (some) and lazy (none).
Sometimes I feel my job is sian and redundant. Most of the time I feel it worths working for. (But not in terms of money)
And the main reason why I didn't count down everyday was not because I loved my job (obviously). And not because of being umemployed after IAP. Hmmm... How should I phrase? Forget it.
Happy ending.
Happy beginnning of a new phase.
I'm having breakfast as usual. Though I need not work today.
The good habit which NUH has endowed me is to wake up early. Cuz everyday a traffic jam is expected. Sometimes too early and I could not sleep on.
Now, 8:30 plus. I guess only two persons have arrived n are chit chatting in the pantry.
Slowly the rest of them enter one by one.
And the stupid phones, door bells, equipment alarms start to ring.
Oh yea, how can I forget the radio which plays the same song for 5 months.
I suddenly feel like posting a final report here. Candid version. Not for my LO/ boss.
As a summary for the past 21 weeks.
But it'll be too long.
So let me summarize the summary.
Life there was not idle. People there were nice (most), sweet (a few), work maniac (except for two), task-oriented (all), fun-loving (some) and lazy (none).
Sometimes I feel my job is sian and redundant. Most of the time I feel it worths working for. (But not in terms of money)
And the main reason why I didn't count down everyday was not because I loved my job (obviously). And not because of being umemployed after IAP. Hmmm... How should I phrase? Forget it.
Happy ending.
Happy beginnning of a new phase.
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