I wonder how, I wonder why. Yesterday you told me about the blue-blue sky. And all that I can see is just the yellow lemon tree

怎么可以将手腕忍痛划损

填词人知否

她还是

咬紧牙关

坚持

不说

坚持

黑暗尽头

总会有曙光

Cry on your own shoulder

But if you wanna cry,

Just take some tissue paper.

If you need someone,

Who cares for you?

If you're feeling sad,

Your heart gets colder,

Yes there's nothing love can really do.

我老了
以前都只聼任賢齊版的。。

On Blackmore & Cooper's experiment

從一個“貓”試驗想到的：
1，嬰兒時代對一個人感知發展十分重要
2，沒經歷過痛苦的，不會有應對它的能力
3，無知不是幸福，經歷過人生種種，才是完整的

old song

that feeling crawls back
the feeling of swimming without goggles.
darkness surrounds,
floundering, to stay buoyant.

i know there's an end
but i dont know how to reach there

thoughts

人死得是時候，也不是壞事。
看著卡扎菲的遺容突然想到的。
叱吒一生，也該夠了。城破之日，自己做個了斷，也不會淪落今天這個下場。
死亡很多時候不是解決問題的辦法，不是逃避的藉口。有些情況下，是保存尊嚴的唯一途徑。

如果汪精衛刺殺失敗因此問斬，他會是個完人。
如果譚嗣同等變法成功，會不會又陷入歷史不變的怪圈。
功成身退，談何容易？
權力可以不知不覺腐蝕一個人的初衷。

“美国人巴巴拉.塔奇曼根据史迪威将军日记而写的《史迪威与美国在华经验1911——1945》一书写道：“国民党青年时代的热情已移到了共产党人身上，这使重庆的人们产生了一种对历史最伤感的说法：任何一场革命成功後，都会继承它所推翻的暴君的衣钵。”书中还记叙，几位记者从延安回来，蒋夫人宋美龄邀请他们茶叙，想亲耳聆听。记者们赞扬共产党人廉洁奉公，富於理想和献身精神。宋美龄不尽相信，却感触良深，“她踱到窗口，默默凝视长江，几分钟後她回身，说出了她毕生最悲伤的一句话：‘如果你们讲的有关他们的话是真的，那麽，我只能说他们还没有尝到权力的真正滋味。”

廉潔奉公、富於理想和獻身精神，注定如青春期一樣短暫？
我無法解答，因爲沒嘗過權力的滋味。
只是理論上贊同：該死的時候就不要貪生。

難道又是“學期中壓力綜合症”發作？

People's inner most thought can be reflected through their spontaneous answers to your questions.

May not be nice, but that's the truth.

人内心最深處的、最真實的想法會在不經意閒談間流露。
真實的，就是説大多時候不怎麽好聽的。
其實不說，聽者也知道答案。何必庸人自擾。

但愿能认得出你的子女
临别亦听得到你讲 再见

断了的弦

你泪水往下的掉
说会记住我的好

我又站在這地方　勝利的戰場
年輕的歲月在呼喚
所有迷茫的過往　英雄的土壤
壯志和熱血又再一次激盪在我的胸膛

priority(0)

Boston

Boston,
no one knows my name

有多少愛可以重來

戊戌變法

嘆
嘆
嘆

谷村新司 星

目を闭じて 何も见えず
哀しくて 目を开ければ
荒野に向かう道より
他に见えるものはなし
呜呼 砕け散る
宿命の星たちよ
せめて密やかに
この身を照せよ
我は行く
苍白き颊のままで
我は行く
さらば 昴よ

息をすれば 胸の中
こがらしは 鸣き続ける
されど我が胸は热く
梦を追い続けるなり
呜呼 さんざめく
名も无き星たちよ
せめて鲜やかに
その身を终われよ
我も行く
心の命ずるままに
我も行く
さらば 昴よ

呜呼 いつの日か
谁かがこの道を
呜呼 いつの日か
谁かがこの道を
我は行く
苍白き頬のままで
我は行く
さらば 昴よ
我は行く
さらば 昴よ
==================
谷村新司 星

阖起了双眼，心中尽茫然。
黯然抬头望，满目照悲凉。
只有一条道路通向了荒野，
哪里能够找到前面的方向？
啊……，散落的群星，
点缀夜空指示着命运。
静谧中放射出光明，
蓦然照亮我的身影。
我就要出发，
脸上映着银色的星光。
我就要启程，
辞别吧，命运之星！

凄凉的气息，吹入我胸中。
阵阵秋风来，呼啸声不停。
可是我心头不灭的是热情，
每时每刻追寻梦中的憧憬。
啊……，璀璨的群星，
纵然无名也要闪晶莹。
不沉寂从来不放弃，
迸出华彩点燃生命！
我也要出发，
照着心的指引去远行。
我也要启程，
辞别吧，命运之星！

啊……，什么时候啊，
有谁也曾来到这路上？
啊……，什么时候啊，
有谁也会循着这去向？
我就要出发，
脸上映着银色的星光。
我就要启程，
辞别吧，命运之星！
我就要启程，
辞别吧，命运之星！

Handwriting

Career Discovery, NUS

There's a special booth, which interprets ur personality from handwriting.

So I wrote a few lines. quite a few. and queued up.

She said,
There is something materialistic which you wish for in life, but not having it at the moment, perhaps explains the frustrations somewhere in between the lines.

True.

She asked, u like travelling?
Yes.

She said,
you have strong motivation that even when times are bad, you can stay healthy (forgot the exact way she said).
you have very high self-esteem. Eager to prove yourself.

True.
I can't stand being belittled, patronized.
That feeble self-esteem me is what has driven me to this stage.
Tiring.
Empowering.

She said,
you communicate positively with people around you.
(huh? i doubt so)
maybe she saw me joking with 'ahjuma', 'einstein' and his 'twin brother', who passed by and stayed to listen to mine.

She said,
.......

Quite accurate in general.

If u don't give ur heart
u will never be hurt.
but u will never feel the love.
if this is a cost-benefit analysis,
what's ur conclusion?

will i just abandon my 'Hotel Capsule'?

because of some idiots?

haven't seen him for >365 days.
changed phone number, did not inform him. Doesn't bother him anyway.
randomly called him.
Suffering from memory loss recently. Couldn't hold more than 7 units in the cache.
But I still remember that 8 digits, without stammer.
I wish I could forget. Like the way I forget which day in Feburary is his birthday.

He picked up and said 'hello' 6 times. I did not say a word.
He hanged up.
End of story.
Moral: he's alive, sounds the same, still in Singapore. That's all.

In a mess.
I deserve a tight slap for doing this.

I'd hold your hands and stroll along at dusk.

I'd carry you on my shoulders.

Rest assured. I'm strong enough.

FYP: Development of an Animated SCORM based e-learning system

I'm not sure whether it is the 'right' choice.
Since I wanted a programming project, just make a positive assumption.

Where most people are specializing in control, power, micro e, etc etc.
I'm here.
Maybe this is a path less traveled by.
But I'm here.
Walking in the dark again.

Inspirations. Pls visit me

美丽的误会

old song

All out of love


Cantopop version

譚詠麟 - 小風波

都是有异性没人性的东东

KTM @ Bt Timah

actually
i'm not sure.

"whatever will be, will be."
an exam question in logic.

无需掩饰、感觉自在的关系
与
害怕、讨好、权力、逃避、依赖的关系
是要分一个明白
还是要装作糊涂
知多知少难知足
（唱起来了。。。）

写在没人看到的地方

从一坨肉，长成一大坨肉，
我没有半点功劳，
无需庆贺。

但人生在世总会有些应景的形式，也不抗拒。

生命的意义到底在于什么？
我好像知道过，后悔忘了写下来。也许那种偶然的瞬间感悟，也不是言语能表述清楚的。

或许，我能为你带来些微不足道的快乐，和一些搞怪的、新奇的感觉。
或许，我能为充满期待的你们带来些值得欣慰的消息。
或许，永远不会有人理解。
或许，在同一个世界中，还有另一个我，观风云变改，沧海桑田，又沉默不语。

曾努力划过别人的生命中，尽情燃烧，然后一切归为平静。别人的天空就此如何，无从知晓。
日升日落，应该是什么都不留痕迹。
也罢。也罢。
流水落花春去也。

所以，
长大了。

姑姑说我 “长大了，变成了个快乐的大人”。

快乐吗？

或许，有时是故意给世界摆了个空城计。以一副不败的姿态应对各种攻击。
或许，收藏心情的我，不经意间，让快乐流露。
或许，真的快乐。

心情是个模糊的东西，没有坐标，没有形状，有点颜色、味道。总之难以形容。

Necessarily, utilitarianism implies happiness for oneself.
However,
happiness is a state of mind, a way of life, not necessarily utilitarian.

This explains a lot to me.

May happiness be in my custody. And yours too.

世界上没有拆不开的机器，没有解不开的心结。

——拆风扇、擦灰、上油，解决多日来的噪音问题后有感

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhl9MLno424

A decomposed body was found in clementi.
When I knew it was actually clementi woods, it suddenly makes me feeling down.
That's where I used to walk to West Coast Park, a refuge away from the jungle.
Impressed by the lush green and tranquility, I never realized that implies danger.

Who? Why? When? How? ...
It might be solved. It might always be a mystery.

That day will come, when all of us became bony remains.
I think Zhuang Zi said, whether we are engulfed by carnivores, rats or ants, makes no difference.
Saddened by the imagined picture still.

My condolences.

you are who you are,
not who you want to be.

be yourself

猫与狗

做动物的话，做只猫吧。
养宠物的话，养只狗吧。

Don't ask me, what's exactly on my mind.
coz I'll fence off the question instinctively.
And on a second thought,
asking myself what's exactly on my mind,
I couldn't figure it out either.

浪漫的事 浪漫的是
不吃不喝不睡 只为了刻好第一颗篆刻
乘7小时硬座 抱抱孩子 然后返程

Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.
-Voltaire

你若走 我不留
你若来 我便爱

really
it's up to u

世态是投机 没完美 光怪陆离
世界是游戏 做场戏 欢喜嬉戏

when we were young, we were about the same.
but we grow into different adults. bounded by familial, societal values, culture, practices.
nurture more than nature?

same, different. us, them.
people are obsessed with these.
sometimes they want others to be the same as them. they hate the one standing out, or outstanding.
sometimes they want to be different. they need to exert their existence by identifying their uniqueness.

why do nations exist? in a micro level coz we are different yet the same? sounds too good to be true.
or sometimes, a lot of times, they exist not so legitimately. 正如窃钩者诛，窃国者侯。
forget about when it all started. forget about how Manor Farm became Animal Farm.
looks like it just passed down as it always was, is and will be. 千秋万代，一桶浆糊。

so, there's a little dilemma here.
majority of the population will deal with this from a utilitarian approach. minority will seek co-operation with the world.
the world is utilitarian. believe in that.
that's why it is so difficult to push for some environmental policies, campaigns.
and the blogger believes that she is co-operative.
but hovered a bit

一边松开吉他弦，一边有些不舍

竟然会不舍这种生活

一种自由，一种闲适

和一种陋室铭文孤芳自赏的一点自恋

Some words

如果我很爱这个国家，就希望她得到自由，美式？不行，靠谱点，荷兰式。
如果我恨极这个国家，也希望她得到自由，台式？算了，“正确”点，印尼式。

I'm happy for Singapore.
A vocal, passionate Singapore.
The one I have been looking for.
Though to some (or a large) extent the grudge is against people like me.
It's ok.
It's normal.

Life is about limitation (of resources). Have to fight for it at times.

国籍、地域认同，虚虚实实的东西。
新移民和当地华人，时间播回百年，新客和土生华人，情形都差不多吧。
谁比较土著，is very subjective. 马来人当然觉得土生华人不够土，建国后就取消了他们土著资格。可是没人提起，他们并没有orang asli更土著些。人多，就成了土著。That's the reality.
“台湾人”不会把土地还给土著，也会故意忘记客家人比较早来。
澳洲、美国⋯⋯

我知道，我在强词夺理。一个有自主权的地方、现代国家，当然可以制定它喜欢的，开门、关门随它所愿。

Doesn't matter.

I din't request to come to this world.
Nor this country.
But I tried to love all these. And will continue to.

And I pray for a 荷兰式.
Though the future isn't sweet for me, anyway.

上海滩

Shang Hai Tan -- Andy Lau


霑叔填的歌词，就是这么经典

Vanilla Twilight


good night world

听了一个讲座。
我有很多话要说。
从何说起，
and address to who?

I've looking for an answer.
The answer is no.
Expected and surprised.

Contradicting.
Like the state itself.

So, I took a stupid test at 6pm, attended the talk immediately after. Skipped dinner. Just to look for an answer.
An answer which leaves as many question marks as before.
Worth it though.

Routined life attrites a person.
Some randomness is needed,
to feel that life is under your control,
(when it is about to be out of control)

Good night world

White Flag - Dido


having this on replay.

i feel...
nothing

long day. 9am to 7pm lessons. only 1 hour break

coughing since ytd. inhaled too much haze from indonesia on sunday. due to a 200m dash to catch bus

n feverish, coz i went to taka in shorts and slippers. not my style. just being random.

the best time in a day, is right here, right now. though.

a bag of strepsils. i have almost forgotten.

and how can memory just refreshes itself? when it is retarding for goodness sake

why i took the initiative, with a bag of strepsils
miss me. i pray you do

Perhaps in Winter

　　你问我何时归故里
　　我也轻声的问自己
　　不是在此时
　　不知在何时
　　我想大约会是在冬季

Not now, I'm not sure when. Perhaps in Winter

the moon didn't make me lunatic.

or is it becoz i can't be lunatic further?

closing the tagboard for some time. crazy spammers

beach bound, once in a blue moon.

not a real ocean, blocked by jurong island mostly.

found this along the way
morning glory


the flower of childhood memories

old song

涛声依旧

好的音乐
乐而不淫，哀而不伤，
正是如此。

喜宴

闹哄哄的喜宴

贯穿的虚无、虚伪、荒凉

吃了一半，才知道新郎不是“陈府”是“高府”的宾客
却让家长乐得眉开眼笑

。。。
看破红尘了？

还是要，
继续敷衍
继续赴宴

噢，朋友

突然想起一个笑话：
从前有个不会说话的人，邀请了几个朋友到家里。
大家都到了，只有A还没来。于是他说，该来的还没来。
B就不高兴了，找个借口走了。他说，不该走的却走了。
C听了，这不是说我呢吗？于是也走了。他说，我又不是说他。
于是D也走了。

我什么都没说，朋友却一个一个离去。

有人留下家具、乐器，有人留下书、打印机、衣服，有人留下热闹后的冷清
有人留下良言一句足暖三春，有人留下一种态度、一串音符

我什么也没说。
突然很想说，别走。

也只是YY一下。

这话如果跟同性朋友说，感觉有点怪，朋友没有一生一世粘在一起的契约。
如果跟异性朋友说，那就是表明要签契约了。
如果是我，我也会走。

缘聚缘散，不必太执着。

I miss you.

read from the news that maids having mental illness on the rise here.

fully understand why. not surprised.

surprised that i am exempted.

i aint a domestic helper.

i was a slave.

a workaholic.

finally trying to slow down, before 2012 comes.

happy cny

Arrival of the Fortune God


woke up early. only 7-11's open.

still the only one awake now :P thanks to the 9am lectures.

心有所感

豁然开朗

1。好人，好得超乎61.8%的人，不是好人。好，是对本性的压抑。可以一直压抑，让它成为潜意识里的恶魔，也可以在某天爆发。
1。1。男人不坏，女人不爱，看来女人比较聪明。
2。还在对与错之间游移，想渐进平衡点，可惜那里似乎是unstable equilibrium。于是，摒弃一边倒的想法。罗素说，”我不会为信仰而献身，因为我可能是错的“。
3。别人非议也好、诋毁也罢，每个人都有自己的人生。那些光环下，投射出什么样的阴影，只有他们自己知道。There's no point to be judgmental, to life of others.

on the ladder now? wittgenstein's ladder

momento mori
carpe diem

a rabbit in the house. temporary stay, no need to pay rents.

i feel like talking to it, more than people.

back off. before i tell u to f*** off

miracle?

1st GEM tutorial. I participated!!! That's ridiculously rare for the past 10++ years.

whatz more miraculous is, participation is not counted towards the grade.

maybe becoz an arts module makes you think, more than just being awake and jotting down notes.

or is it part of a recent transformation too?
bidding farewell to a life in segregation and turmoil and... is in the end not that hard.

when i'm right here, breathing, is already a miracle.

so, thank ... whoever

(killed the onset of flu again, with my ultimate antidote: a lot of water. thank whoever again)

melody

fallen sick. emo-ing

my future is in my hands, but my timetable is in your hands. school, you decide.

proudly anonymous

what is name? let me discard it. i don't wanna live in other's aspirations. neither in my own aspirations. i don't wish to live like anyone else, not anymore. just the way i am.

suddenly, i feel so relieved.

Dragostea Din Tei

one of my fav. though i don't understand a word

I've got a dream

days

allow me to 'cyber-bully' someone first. :P
who ask you to see me on the 1st day of holiday

reminds me of home in winter. white building from frosty windows. somehow there was a sudden stirrup within

there i was, again. with my all-time idol 密斯林

museums

i did something boring

final product

and here i was, again

a tomato, artistically cut

some sugar

here it goes

i wonder what happened to the tree.

a present from cca. nice

there i was

artistic shot

considered 'uniquely singapore'?

simple, and simply...... my style

the sink is a bit choked again. and i know there's a disgusting pile of women hair stuck below. no worries. i can fix it.

just like the toilet door creak, drainage leak etc etc etc. not mentioning the 'voluntary' toilet cleaning every fortnight.

人没有贵贱之分，then why must i?

coz i'm not rich enough to chase u all out, ladies.

so ladies, everytime i do these digging sh*t jobs after u sh*tted around. do u ever wonder? this isn't my home, neither it is my house.

becoz according to Game Theory no one is going to clean the shared area. everyone will try to maximize her own comfort and wait for things to happen.
everytime, i'm the loser in this game.
but I cant stop being narcissistic for a while coz i cleaned the house the day before, it shined!!! (before the ladies emerged and started using the common area)

人没有贵贱之分，人品有。（我没说你们是贱人）（没有直说）
and, it reminds me, be rich

happy new year

to all